[	mood	|	shaky	]
[	wade in the sonic joy	|	Hong Kong Garden by Siouxsie and the Banshees	]

I have a bit of a situation. I have moved up from limbo into a new circle of hell, as it may be called, where there is a life-altering decision to make. And no, I cannot make any Two-faced coin tosses. I don't make my own luck. However, I do believe in the power of deep, careful thought (which I believe everyone is capable of).

So, friends, this is the situation.

Benilde with a School of Design and Arts Grant for Fashion or UP Fine Arts-Visual Communication?


I need your help. Think with me. We should go find some deep wells to sit at the bottoms of. I need opinions so I can make a mental deliberation list thingamagiger. Ugh.

Talk about a fork in the road.

Cliché as it may sound, I will really miss high school. Hum.

Crissel's survey. :)

[1] got a 100 card grade (whooo. i love ms. maramag, ms. lim and ms. arnaldo.)
[2] failed a perio (or passed by a point. haha.)
[3] crammed for a quiz (always. filipino especially.)
[4] finished Ibong Adarna
[5] finished Florante & Laura
[6] finished Noli
[7] finished Fili (yes, cover to cover. i heart isagani. haha.)
[8] finished Ibong Mandaragit
[9] used a gabay for the Noli/Fili
[10] read a totally different version of the Noli/Fili
[11] borrowed textbooks from other classes (haha. stolen history of the world.)
[12] lent textbooks to other classes
[13] borrowed a lab gown
[14] lent a lab gown
[15] failed a subject
[16] did summer classes
[17] got a merit
[18] got 3rd honor
[19] got 2nd honor
[20] got 1st honor
[21] got a line of 7 card grade (algebra. mrs. saddul. yes she makes me sad. :| )
[22] passed Chem
[23] passed Physics
[24] had something printed at the Comp. Lab
[25] used a clearbook (minimum of 2 every year. yaaay.)
[26] used a Jansport backpack
[28] crammed for a project
[29] copied homework
[30] cheated
[31] got a 4.0 club grade
[32] got declared Best Speaker
[33] got declared Best Debater
[34] was in the Winning Team
[35] enjoyed Geometry (when math began to love me back. haha.)
[36] got into the Top 10
[37] recited voluntarily (yay me.)
[38] "shared" in CLE
[39] did a handwritten lab report
[40] forgot my PE clothes
[41] did not study at all for a test
[42] made reviewers (an experiment after being encouraged by apo. didn't work. ha.)
[43] borrowed/copied reviewers
[44] paid someone to do homework/projects for me
[45] borrowed/lent notes
[46] had Sir Rono as a teacher
[47] did homework for one class in another class
[48] flunked an Isidro test
[49] had the MR as my homeroom

Discipline

[1] got a green ID (irreverence during prayer--or talking during the angelus within earshot of ms. baysas. haha.)
[2] got a blue ID
[3] got sent to the CSF (for being sick without the high temperature to match. :| )
[4] got a call slip
[5] ate in class (cy's skittles. yum.)
[6] texted in class
[7] got caught with my phone on
[8] got a clean record
[9] was put on probation
[10] got a conduct grade lower than G
[12] got an O conduct grade
[12] got an oral warning
[13] did community service
[14] turned in something for the lost & found
[15] got back something from the lost & found (shoes, i think.)
[16] filed a violation
[17] read the handbook
[18] got scolded by the SC (yes, my ID was confiscated by joang.)
[19] cut class
[20] came in late for class
[21] got my ID confiscated for ridiculous reasons (above mentioned.)
[22] got yelled at by a teacher (a scarier low, threatening tone. eep.)

Other experiences

[1] got into a fight with someone from a higher batch
[2] got attacked by higad
[3] had a bird shit all over me (not all over? haha.)
[4] sat at the stone tables
[5] danced for the Intrams
[6] played for the Intrams
[7] had a crush on a teacher
[8] waited on a teacher on the foyer (not fun. ha.)
[9] got into the faculty room
[10] bought C2 from school
[11] slept over for Peace Camp
[12] tried out for Delta Chi (i might've, had place, time and fortune allowed it.)
[13] brought a guitar to school (hahaha. wow. electric guitar that i so know how to play.)
[14] have been to a concert sponsored by the school
[15] went to the prom
[16] watched a volleyball game
[17] watched a basketball game
[18] switched clubs (cwg forevaaaar.)
[19] was an officer (club?)
[20] cried in school (sadly yes.)
[21] lost a G-tec (believe it or not, i have never owned a g-tec.)
[22] had a serious injury while in school (no, but possibly something internal that is yet to be diagnosed. haha.)
[23] came to school with a fever
[24] went to SEP
[25] have seen my face on the video presentations/slideshows they do for special occasions

[	mood	|	chipper	]
[	wade in the sonic joy	|	let's dance to joy division by the wombats	]

I am not heartbroken

yet.

becaaaaaauuuse I got the SDA Grant for fashionandIfeellikemyhearthasstoppedbeating. It's not broken, you see. Haha.

Anyway friends, let's celebrate!

Who wants me to buy them something? Or do something. Yeah? Or better yet: who wants to buy me something? Haha. This is for all of you to know that I want that pretty heart-shaped box with vintage grooming accessories from Cubao Ex. Yes! Go! Buy! (because it's Cool! Spankin'! Great! Haha. I'm sorry for the weird randomness). We should eat Mike and Ike or drag unsuspecting passersby to an open party. Or run and run until our forelegs start sweating. Or burn money. Or fabric. And smell it and try to identify what kind it is.

The truth is, I am still very anxious about everything. I do not know if I will live long enough to find out what it's like taking Fashion in Benilde (because everyone is so ________ there. and overly beautiful and high-powered like gold batteries and pretentious and expectant and unsmiling).

The walls are white but it feels dark inside.

I don't know. It's possible that I was just way too nervous to notice the wholesome atmosphere of the place. It is surely somewhere I would love to be. But is it better than UP and/or SoFA? I have yet to find out. Talent test, please love me. You are why my heart is not yet broken. Eep.

It might amuse you to know that I tripped on my way out of the 'waiting room' where all the other nice smiling interviewees with their very friendly mothers were ogling at my huge portfolio bag and heavily criticized daybook. Yes, count on me to do something clumsy and embarrassing in the face of polite strangers' conversation. Hahaha.

[	mood	|	sore	]
[	wade in the sonic joy	|	rocky took a lover by bell x1	]

I was thinking of posting something cause I felt like it (and I've learned to avoid touching any of my school things for fear that I will fall into my huge school bag and never come back out), but I couldn't think of what to post. If I'd gone with that purging method I usually apply when I "write," then you'd all really hate me right now. No one wants to feel this bad.

Anyway.

I'd just closed the post-entry window when I found out that cenfad (yes, cenfad. home of my brief yet poignant first experience as a contributing member of the fashion world) has recently gone bankrupt. Now what does that tell you? What?

Maybe I'm not looking at it in the right light. Or maybe I'm supposed to learn something from this. Oh my goooooood.

Michelle handed me a piece of blue scratch paper a while ago because she'd written some random note she wanted me to read. (I'm keeping it in my wallet. Come visit me for viewing privileges.) I was folding and unfolding it as I was walking and when I flipped it over, the scratch side read:

also adversely affect her

These things always mean something.

I think I might die early. Of a mysterious undisclosed-by-the-press cause. (Yes, the media will know. Haha.)

[	mood	|	complacent	]
[	wade in the sonic joy	|	paper planes by m.i.a.	]

You know, my birthday turned out better than i thought it would.
I mean, considering I had no plans. And no parents. And a lot of other things I don't feel like mentioning.

Sometimes I think it's better to not expect.
That way, you don't get disappointed.

I've reached the point of resilience. Nothing really affects me anymore and not expecting simply helps me more.
It's a bit scary sometimes. I feel devoid of myself- if such a thing is even possible.

Because I study now. And I'm capitalizing what should be capitalized even if this is just a blog post.
Because I don't even bother to make plans.
Because I don't draw in class anymore.
Because you can bombard me with all the work in the world and I'll (stupidly) do it all.
Because I don't seem to care.
Because I've become meaner.
Because I'm not as careful as I used to be.

We wrote a lullaby yesterday:

Close your eyes, my darling baby.
Come away to Neverland.
Meet the pirates and the lady
Playing blithely in the sand.

Do not fear, my darling child.
There are stars to light the way.
There are treasures in the wild.
And the promise of today.

I am here, my darling daughter.
Rest your head against my arm.
Though tomorrow you'll be older,
Still I'll keep you safe from harm.

Close your eyes my darling baby.
Come away to Neverland.

Maybe it means something. Haha.

[	mood	|	ditzy	]
[	wade in the sonic joy	|	gotta stay high by the new radicals	]

oh, it's all so distressing.

school is distressing. sleep is distressing. not being able to see (very well) is distressing. life is distressing. yes? yes.

and college---oh my gosh, COLLEGE. i think i need to work harder, because i'm definitely not getting anywhere if i continue to waste my time doing less important things (like this) at the wrong time of the day (like now). haha.

did you know that the ateneo application form asks for two careers of preference? and they have to be specific, like not just industries or fields or areas you want to work in, but actual professions. agh. they are not very nice.

so here i am, getting these weird panic attacks due to [over]-thinking about the future. and really, i shouldn't be so worried but i can't help it because the future is asphyxiating. yes friends, asphyxiating. please tell me you know what it means (haha pau). and i don't want it to kill me just yet. 

is this how you feel? take deep breaths with me. :|

and i, being so stalked by insecurity, had to find something to keep me occupied. so visiting my lj after practically a month brought me to the IQ test that angie posted. yaaay.

don't trust the internet.

[	mood	|	awake	]
[	wade in the sonic joy	|	this is for real.	]

hello friends, i'm saying goodbye to my art school girl self this thursday. sort of. mmm. let me translate: we're getting assessed this thursday, so please wish me luck or pray for me or whatever it is you can do to support me. come to our icon show on the 17th. if you can make it to kuala lumpur. haha. :)

so i will soon get to feel the summer-ness of this summer, since it's more or less been spent in an otherwise non-summer-y environment. in any case, i'm really happy with how this summer's turned out so far.

let me bother you with a late update about school---have you all seen your report cards already? prom pictures? i'm clueless. tell me when the class lists are out okay? hum. school feels like a totally different world now. it will be difficult for me to readjust, i think. anywaaay. let me gloat since i've found one happy shred of my life there that i'd like to hold on to for a while. i have finally seen my report card and it is rather beautiful. haha. with a few stains here and there. mmm. you'd never guess how much speech and grammar love me. guess, guess! haha. :) science, not so much though. but it could be worse.

i've been watching basketball games. don't be so surprised. i actually had fun. hahaha. see my latest photo album. :)

it's nine in the afternoon here. what time is it there?

so let me tell you about yesterday.

well, the part of yesterday between 8:00 and 8:15.

i was climbing the stairs (at a perfectly normal pace, mind you) and i somehow managed to almost-fall. well, okay, i did fall. haha. and i didn't realize that i was supposed to be feeling any pain until the numbness subsided and i felt some scrapes maybe. and wow i broke a nail in the process. you know, broken nails are underrated. they are very, very painful.

and [shortly] afterwards i managed to, yet again, trip on something. this time it was the doggie gate, which actually tipped over due to the force of me ramming into it. so the upper left hand and lower right hand corners were still in place, leaving me in a sort of suspended position that may be very much likened to a contortionist's letter A. oh yes. and the beauty of it all was i couldn't regain my balance. so i couldn't get back up.

and i spent quite some time laughing at myself. and you're probably laughing at me too. that's okay. hahaha. aren't i brilliant? i know i'm clumsy, but i haven't been this accident prone in a long time. what changed?

[	mood	|	headachey	]
[	wade in the sonic joy	|	bruised by jack's mannequin	]

here:

Model Drawing and Textiles on Tuesdays, Intro to Fashion Design on Thursdays, Pattern Drafting on Fridays, and Batik Painting on Saturdays

or something like that.

I'm very afraid. So wish me luck, pray for me, whatever. I need to know you care. hahaha.

I'll be back in May, then we can all have our picnics or whatever with what's left of summer. Just text me today and I'll give you my KL number. Oh and call me before I leave or leave me a message somewhere or do I-don't-know-what-just-do-it. Don't call my phone though without prior warning cause it might die. haha. And I quote that very repetitive 80's song, "don't you forget about me."

This is summer, lovelies. Let's enjoy it.

I love you guys!

p.s. What do you want for pasalubong?

[	mood	|	hungry	]
[	wade in the sonic joy	|	radiation vibe by fountains of wayne	]

In case your eyes are as bad as mine:

MORG Love is a Prom-ish event put together by the UP Musicians Org.

It will be on a Friday, the 29th of February, which only comes once in every four years. yay.

There will be bands (Sugarfree, Hardboiledeggz, Wake Up Your Seatmate, The Lowtechs, Space World, MORG II-Star Lovers Band).

And there will be games.

And there will be food (Old Swiss Inn food. Yum.).

And for all this you have to pay only Php 400 by the 22nd. You can course your payments through me.:)

Garden Plaza Hotel at 1030 Belen Street, Paco, Manila (across Paco Park)

Come in Punk Rock Formal.

See you there!