[	mood	|	ditzy	]
[	wade in the sonic joy	|	gotta stay high by the new radicals	]

oh, it's all so distressing.

school is distressing. sleep is distressing. not being able to see (very well) is distressing. life is distressing. yes? yes.

and college---oh my gosh, COLLEGE. i think i need to work harder, because i'm definitely not getting anywhere if i continue to waste my time doing less important things (like this) at the wrong time of the day (like now). haha.

did you know that the ateneo application form asks for two careers of preference? and they have to be specific, like not just industries or fields or areas you want to work in, but actual professions. agh. they are not very nice.

so here i am, getting these weird panic attacks due to [over]-thinking about the future. and really, i shouldn't be so worried but i can't help it because the future is asphyxiating. yes friends, asphyxiating. please tell me you know what it means (haha pau). and i don't want it to kill me just yet. 

is this how you feel? take deep breaths with me. :|

and i, being so stalked by insecurity, had to find something to keep me occupied. so visiting my lj after practically a month brought me to the IQ test that angie posted. yaaay.

don't trust the internet.

[	mood	|	awake	]
[	wade in the sonic joy	|	this is for real.	]

hello friends, i'm saying goodbye to my art school girl self this thursday. sort of. mmm. let me translate: we're getting assessed this thursday, so please wish me luck or pray for me or whatever it is you can do to support me. come to our icon show on the 17th. if you can make it to kuala lumpur. haha. :)

so i will soon get to feel the summer-ness of this summer, since it's more or less been spent in an otherwise non-summer-y environment. in any case, i'm really happy with how this summer's turned out so far.

let me bother you with a late update about school---have you all seen your report cards already? prom pictures? i'm clueless. tell me when the class lists are out okay? hum. school feels like a totally different world now. it will be difficult for me to readjust, i think. anywaaay. let me gloat since i've found one happy shred of my life there that i'd like to hold on to for a while. i have finally seen my report card and it is rather beautiful. haha. with a few stains here and there. mmm. you'd never guess how much speech and grammar love me. guess, guess! haha. :) science, not so much though. but it could be worse.

i've been watching basketball games. don't be so surprised. i actually had fun. hahaha. see my latest photo album. :)

it's nine in the afternoon here. what time is it there?

so let me tell you about yesterday.

well, the part of yesterday between 8:00 and 8:15.

i was climbing the stairs (at a perfectly normal pace, mind you) and i somehow managed to almost-fall. well, okay, i did fall. haha. and i didn't realize that i was supposed to be feeling any pain until the numbness subsided and i felt some scrapes maybe. and wow i broke a nail in the process. you know, broken nails are underrated. they are very, very painful.

and [shortly] afterwards i managed to, yet again, trip on something. this time it was the doggie gate, which actually tipped over due to the force of me ramming into it. so the upper left hand and lower right hand corners were still in place, leaving me in a sort of suspended position that may be very much likened to a contortionist's letter A. oh yes. and the beauty of it all was i couldn't regain my balance. so i couldn't get back up.

and i spent quite some time laughing at myself. and you're probably laughing at me too. that's okay. hahaha. aren't i brilliant? i know i'm clumsy, but i haven't been this accident prone in a long time. what changed?

[	mood	|	headachey	]
[	wade in the sonic joy	|	bruised by jack's mannequin	]

here:

Model Drawing and Textiles on Tuesdays, Intro to Fashion Design on Thursdays, Pattern Drafting on Fridays, and Batik Painting on Saturdays

or something like that.

I'm very afraid. So wish me luck, pray for me, whatever. I need to know you care. hahaha.

I'll be back in May, then we can all have our picnics or whatever with what's left of summer. Just text me today and I'll give you my KL number. Oh and call me before I leave or leave me a message somewhere or do I-don't-know-what-just-do-it. Don't call my phone though without prior warning cause it might die. haha. And I quote that very repetitive 80's song, "don't you forget about me."

This is summer, lovelies. Let's enjoy it.

I love you guys!

p.s. What do you want for pasalubong?

[	mood	|	hungry	]
[	wade in the sonic joy	|	radiation vibe by fountains of wayne	]

In case your eyes are as bad as mine:

MORG Love is a Prom-ish event put together by the UP Musicians Org.

It will be on a Friday, the 29th of February, which only comes once in every four years. yay.

There will be bands (Sugarfree, Hardboiledeggz, Wake Up Your Seatmate, The Lowtechs, Space World, MORG II-Star Lovers Band).

And there will be games.

And there will be food (Old Swiss Inn food. Yum.).

And for all this you have to pay only Php 400 by the 22nd. You can course your payments through me.:)

Garden Plaza Hotel at 1030 Belen Street, Paco, Manila (across Paco Park)

Come in Punk Rock Formal.

See you there!

[	mood	|	with momentum	]
[	wade in the sonic joy	|	no cars go by the arcade fire	]

We do wonderful things when we're bored.:))

Dj.Patty.Jica.Den.

Our future babies have future names:

Alina                                                                                                                                 

Anton Rafael                                                                                                               

Chad                                                                                                                          

Nathan                                                                                                                     

Alicia                                                                                                                

Katherina                                                                                                                  

Brian                                                                                                                      

Miguel                                                                                                                     

West                                                                                                                        

Yelena                                                                                                                     

Zach                                                                                                                      

Belinda                                                                                                                   

Isabelle                                                                                                                  

Blaze                                                                                                                    

Milo

Hot names.:))

Brian

Justin

Miguel

Michael

Mike

Nathan

David

Denise

Jessica

Patricia

Pauline

Francesca

Alian

Isabel

Karla

Yes, of course our names are there. hahaha.

[	mood	|	rejuvenated	]
[	wade in the sonic joy	|	perfect by the smashing pumpkins	]

this week has been so terribly vitiating.

i don't know what it is about me, or everyone around me, or whatever else that has surrounded me for these past few days. there's just something. it stole my momentum from me. 

i've been taking long tests half-asleep. this morning i hit a part of my arm on the wall cause i was too sleepy to concentrate on walking. (yes, i know. i walk much? haha.) 

there's a great amount of stress to get rid of. it's like overflowing rootbeer that the glass can't accomodate. yes. that's it exactly. it feels like i'm wasting away. like the empty feeling of soda bubbles in your stomach. 
 
let me tell you why i have nothing left.
firstly, i have to give my everything to four different case plans for two debates. one of which is in filipino (i don't waaaaaant to. agh.) and they are conveniently scheduled on the same monday. yay. i have no weekend.
i have to understand moles too. not like skin-moles. chem moles. believe me when i say you don't want to know what they are if you don't already know. hahaha. 
and i have a worksheet to start coming up with ideas for. 
and there are fili chapters to read (although i usually don't get to read them 'til the last minute.) 
and finally, this week's my deadline for prom date-getting. eep. help.

i'm not looking forward to anything. 

yet.

2 am. go outside. look up.

it's the biggest meteor shower to come in years. or something like that.

It had been about 30 years since she last thought about how she would die. It clouded her thoughts as she drove home from the opening of yet another one of her shops. She always thought her death would be something messy or destructive, because of how she was always so clumsy. It would be a car accident, or something similar to that. Don’t let yourself think things like that. Hello? You’re driving. She told herself, knowing that if she let herself think it, ‘it’ might actually happen. Thinking about death made her think about life. There was the constant question of “What have I been doing?” and “What does it mean to be alive, or to exist?” Sometimes she felt like nothing was what it was; that there was no such thing as existence. Her husband did not exist. Her son and two daughters were just figments of her imagination. The things she did—the clothes she made and the food she ate and the words that came out of her mouth—were all dreams within a dream. Nothing was real. At the times that she would feel this kind of confusion, she would stop and consider not doing anything. If nothing really did exist, then would it make a difference if she moved her hand? She would be moving it through imaginary air. And would it matter if she continued to talk to people? These people were not real. Nothing was, right? And if she forgot to breathe, would she die? Was it even possible to die when you weren’t even alive in the first place? After considering all these things she could not-do, she would try them. Her hands would not move, because the air was imaginary. She would not speak to anyone, because these people were not really there, and neither was she. And then she would try not-breathing. Her skin would turn pale and her mind would go blank. She couldn’t see anymore. Is this real? She thought. It was definitely painful. If she could feel pain, then it must’ve been real. So she would start breathing again, and the matter of existence was something she seemed to understand. And everything was real. The car she was driving was real, and so were the other cars moving next to hers. The stop light she missed was real. And the fast-moving cars that came from the perpendicular road were real. Everything was real—even death.

[	mood	|	sleepy	]
[	wade in the sonic joy	|	summer of '98 by secret handshake	]

GUY PART (no matter if you are a girl
or a guy)

[ ] You love hoodies
[ ] Dogs are better than cats.
[ ] It's hilarious when people get hurt
[ ] You've played with/against boys on
a team.
[ ] Shopping is torture
[ ] Sad movies suck
[ ] You own an XBox/360
[ ] wanted/played with Hotwheel cars as
a kid
[ ] At some point in time you wanted to
be a firefighter
[ ] You own a DS, PS2 or Sega.
 
[ ] You watch sports on TV
[ ] Gory movies are cool.
[ ] You only go to your dad for advice.
[ ] You own like a trillion trucker
hats.
[ ] You like going to football games
[ ] You used to/do collect footy cards.
[ ] It's kinda weird to have sleepovers
with a bunch of people.
[x] Green, black, red, blue or silver
are one of your favorite colors
[x] You love to go crazy and not care
what people think.
[ ] Sports are fun too.
[ ] Talk with food in your mouth
[ ] Wear Boxers-to bed
[ ] Sleep with your socks on at night

total: 2
Multiply the total by 7 = 14%
Score = 14%
_____________ ____________________
______

GIRL PART (no matter if you're a girl or a guy)

[x] You wear lip gloss.
[ ] You wear eyeliner
[x] You have some of the same shirts in
different colors
[x] You wear the color pink
[x] Go to a female for advice.
[x] You KNOW cheerleading is a sport
and you argue about it.
[ ] You hate wearing the color black.
[x] You like shopping or just hanging
out at the shops.
[x]You like wearing jewelry.
[x] Skirts are a part of your wardrobe.
[ ] You don't like the movie Star Wars.
[x] It takes you around 1 hour to
shower get dressed and put on make-up
and accesories.
[x] you smile alot more than you
should. (i think? sometimes? haha.)
[x] You have more than 10 pairs of
shoes/sneakers .
[x] You care about what you look like.
[x] You like wearing dresses when you
can.
[x] You love, LOVE movies
[x] Used to play with dolls as a
little kid
[x] like putting make-up on someone
else for the joy of it. (DEFINITELY. nyaha.)
[x] Like taking pictures of yourself
when you're bored. (i admit.)

total: 17
multiply by 7
score = 119%

then repost I’m ___% boy, ___ girl

[	mood	|	overwhelmed	]
[	wade in the sonic joy	|	once around the block by badly drawn boy	]

wow. it's been like, a month? or at least it feels like it. 
busy busy school days are really quite unhealthy for everyone. don't you agree?
yeah, agree.
so there. i don't have the time to make kwento here still. so just. call me. or something.
here. answer this. show me you love me. make me happy. hah.:)

WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF I
1. died from natural causes:
2. said I liked you:
3. kissed you:
4. lived next door to you:
5. started doing drugs:
6. stole something:
7. ran away from home:
8. cried in front of you:
9. Cried because of you:

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT MY
1. Personality:
2. Eyes:
3. Hair:
4. Smile:

WOULD YOU

1. Be my friend?:
2. Keep a secret if I told you one?:
3. Hold my hand?:
4. Take a bullet for me?:
5. Keep in touch?:
6. Try and solve my problems?:
7. Love me?:
8. Make fun of me?:
(go ahead. say something funny about me. seriously, make me laugh.)

HAVE YOU EVER
1. Lied to make me feel better?:
2. Liked me?:
3. Wanted to kiss me?:
4. Wanted to kill me?:
5. Smiled thinking about me?:
6. Broke my heart?:
7. Kept something important from me?:
9. Thought I was unbearably annoying?:

[	mood	|	discontent	]
[	wade in the sonic joy	|	blue light/your ex-lover is dead/thunder	]

I'm sad. 
I hate how this makes my head ache and my heart throb. 
Things fall apart.
Things are never the same. 
They change (I don't like it). 
And we always feel bad. 
And this is pessimism. 
And this is how it goes now. 
Things will never be the same. 
We are at the peak of happiness 
and it is still not enough. 
So we are at the foot. 
Below. 
There is no reason to continue. 
I'm afraid of friends crying over friends and
rejection and
failure and
shame and 
not being able to pay and 
the past haunting me and making me ache for it and 
the future pulling me and making me want so much. 
I'm afraid of losing things and 
breaking my bones and 
getting fat and
crying and
(never getting to kiss someone) forgetting.
It feels like the Fragile Hopes are shattering. None more. 
And it feels like we are going downhill
and our soles are slippery 
and the road is smooth 
so we're sliding.
And it's fun at first 
then we hit the ground 
and our skulls crack.

And it is done. None more.